The Single Speak Decoders

What SHE   really means:

• Bubbly: Dumb
• Curvy: Fat
• Caring: If you don’t want me I’ll kill myself.
• Lonely: I have really bad breath.
• Natural blonde: I have my pubes streaked
• Shy: Making me speak is like extracting teeth.
• Athletic: I get a headache if I miss a day at the gym.
• Mature: My face looks like a relief map of the Rocky Mountains.
• Young-at-heart: I look old
• Independent: I’m a hard-nosed bitch
• Pretty: I’m very short and I giggle all the time.
• Feminine: You can pay for everything
• Sensitive: Neurotic
• Great personality: No tits
• Great body No personality
• Well preserved: Surgically enhanced
• Loves cooking: I’ll boil the eggs while you remodel the kitchen.
• Vivacious: You’ll never get a word in…
• Glamorous: I need full make up to leave the house
• Sensual: Nymphomaniac
• Open minded: Desperate enough to do it with all your friends
• Modest: Frigid
• Creative: My ideas are always better than yours
• Spontaneous(1) Ill mannered
• Spontaneous(2): Drunk
• Cheeky: Legless
• Funny(1): Absolutely legless
• Funny(2) I giggle when I fart.
• Gracious: "You men are such sweet little things!"
• Classy: Only with people who buy me jewellery…
• Adventurous: Can I borrow your dog?
• Passionate: I’m a sloppy kisser
• Romantic: Religious
• Responsive: Weak bladder
• Dependable: Same place, same time, same position…
• Happy: On medication
• Articulate: Domineering
• Confident: I could buy you and sell you (and probably will)
• Tactile: I’ll feel you up in public
• Honest: Tactless
• Original: I still wear beads and kaftans
• Cute: Very short and very stupid
• Thoughtful: Not very bright
• Affectionate: I won’t have sex until I’m married
• Fun: Easy
• Fun Loving(1): HIV Positive
• Fun loving(2): I’ll let you go down on me
• Earnest: I spray saliva when I speak
• Focused: I’ll keep calling until you change your number
• Natural: I never use deodorant or clean my teeth
• Mischievous: I pinch guys’ buns in public
• Smart: I almost finished high school
• Intelligent: I finished high school
• Home loving: I have four kids, no job and I can’t afford to go out
• Sophisticated: I smoke
• Earthy(1): I’m a vegetarian who farts a lot.
• Earthy(2): My tits hang around my knees
• Intellectual: Argumentative
• Politically aware: I don’t shave my legs
• Seeking soul mate: Somebody I knew in a former life…
• Womanly: Big, fat and fertile.
• Available: Nobody wants me

Copyright Teresa Mannix 1998.

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