The
Single Speak Decoders
What
HE really means:
- House trained - Im sick and tired
of having to clean up after myself.
- Easygoing: Im a total slob and I leave the toilet seat up.
- Relaxed: My idea of a date is sitting on the sofa with the remote control and watching the
football.
- Neat and Tidy: Anal retentive.
- Looking for someone to spoil (1): Chocolates, flowers and romantic dinners while were
dating, then you get to spoil me for the rest of your life.
- Looking for somebody to spoil (2): Im not wasting my money on any woman who isnt
young and gorgeous.
- Kids OK: MY kids, not YOUR kids.
- Ready for commitment: My pathological commitment-phobia keeps frightening women
off.
- I want a woman who isnt a gold digger:
Im so poor youd be wasting your time.
- Bigger than his job: At work, Im a failure.
- Soh or gsoh (sense of humour or great sense of
humour): Somebody once told me I was "a
joke".
- Wacky sense of humour: Nobody laughs at my jokes.
- Wicked sense of humour: I enjoy pulling the wings off flies.
- Sensual: I have a dirty mind.
- Open minded: Id eventually like to have sex with all your girlfriends as well as with
you. Later, maybe even with your pets
.
- Urbane: Phoney.
- Confident: Believe me, baby, Im kewel
.
- Well groomed: I use my own hair mousse, but Ill fight you for the blow dryer.
- Fun: Wishful
thinking. Im a bore.
- Persistent: If you try to dump me Ill stalk you.
- Likeable: I appeal to pets and small children.
- Affectionate: I grope other women in public.
- Forthright: If I think youre fat and ugly, Ill say so
- Intense: I demand lots of attention.
- Playful: Can I borrow your vibrator?
- Enthusiastic: I snort when I laugh.
- Adventurous: I spend weekends scuba diving with my buddies.
- Generous: Ill bear the ENTIRE fuel cost when we go out in my car.
- Computer literate: The reason I dont have a life is that I spend all my
time on the Internet.
- Lets chat. Not on the phone, silly. Lets find an Internet chat
room and type at each other.
- Flesh meet: Anywhere else, this would mean sex, but on the Internet it means meeting in
person.
- Trusting Not very bright.
- Look younger than my age: Im looking for a much younger woman.
- Enjoy walks along the beach: Im too cheap to take you to the beachside restaurant.
- Treats women as equals: You can pay for dinner and drive home when weve had a
few drinks.
- Seeking soul mate: My last two wives dumped me.
- Attractive: My Mom never lies...
- Romantic: I might send you virtual flowers or a cyber greeting card.
- Cuddly: Fat.
- Loves to cuddle: Impotent.
- Loves to unwind: I drink too much, then fall about.
- I drink occasionally: I drink regularly.
- I drink regularly: Im an alcoholic.
- Culturally attuned: I frequent Asian prostitutes.
- Carefree: Dont expect fidelity.
- Articulate: You cant shut me up.
- Sincere: Weak.
- Sensitive: I have a really small dick.
- Spontaneous: I fart in public.
- Introverted I fart silently, in the dead of night.
- Shy: Silent.
- Honest(1): Tactless.
- Honest(2): Too clever to be caught out.
- Reliable: Boring.
- Relaxed: Usually drunk.
- Witty: I laugh at my own jokes.
- Creative: Id rather colour in the pictures than read the text.
- Well travelled: My wife left me because I was never home.
- Athletic build: In my dreams
- Receding hairline Bald.
- Financially secure: Employed.
- Self Employed: Nobody else would.
- Like to take life as it comes: Unemployed.
- Own home: Its such a dump my ex-wife didnt even want it
Copyright Teresa Mannix 1998.
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