The Single Speak Decoders

The Single Speak Decoders are part of Teresa Mannix's hilarious new electronic book, Virtually Yours: the Single Girl's Guide to Finding Love in Cyber Space. Use the link to read more extracts or buy the book.

What HE  really means:

• House trained -  I’m sick and tired of having to clean up after myself.
• Easygoing: I’m a total slob and I leave the toilet seat up.
• Relaxed: My idea of a date is sitting on the sofa with the remote control and watching the football.
• Looking for someone to spoil (1): Chocolates, flowers and romantic dinners while we’re dating, then you get to spoil me for the rest of your life.
• Kids OK: MY kids, not YOUR kids.
• Bigger than his job: At work, I’m a failure.
• Open minded: I’d eventually like to have sex with all your girlfriends as well as with you. Later, maybe even with your pets….
• Likeable: I appeal to pets and small children.
• Generous: I’ll bear the ENTIRE fuel cost when we go out in my car.
• Let’s chat. Not on the phone, silly. Let’s find an Internet chat room and type at each other.

Read more of HIS Speak Decoders.

What SHE   really means:

• Bubbly: Dumb
• Curvy: Fat
• Caring: If you don’t want me I’ll kill myself.
• Lonely: I have really bad breath.
• Young-at-heart: I look old
• Independent: I’m a hard-nosed bitch
• Feminine: You can pay for everything
• Sensitive: Neurotic
• Loves cooking: I’ll boil the eggs while you remodel the kitchen.
• Open minded: Desperate enough to do it with all your friends
• Happy: On medication
• Fun Loving(1): HIV Positive
• Focused: I’ll keep calling until you change your number
• Available: Nobody wants me

Read more of HER Speak Decoders.

Copyright Teresa Mannix 1998.

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